All posts by Kirk Fox

comedian
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NAILED IT

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you have to run over a nail just right to have it penetrate the rubber. i didn’t know I had run over a nail. driving to tennis today I saw a warning light I’d never seen in my dash and some wording. The words were gone before I had the time to read them. i arrived at tennis, took a picture of the warning, it was an exclamation point. to me that was important. i sent the picture to my guy. i call him my guy because he sold me the car and if I ever have a car question he can answer. he’s also a friend. i played tennis. my mind was on my car. i won’t lie. i have a tendency to obsess. it’s the little things that i will grasp. after tennis he simply told me that i had a tire that needed air. that seemed right. when i turned on the car the words came up and sure enough, said to check my left rear. I checked. i couldn’t tell if it was low. they are racing tires that don’t have much air in them as is. after tennis on the way to my favorite gas station i stopped for a sandwich and spend thirty minutes trying to find out the real tire pressure i needed to get to. on the side of the tire it said max of 50 PSI. that seemed high. My guy told me 32. that seemed low. I went to my favorite gas station and they said 38. sure enough. left rear was low. then he told me to move up so he could check for a nail. yes, there was a nail. i was relieved. they pulled out the nail. my buddy who works there said he fixes 15 tires a day. said the streets are filled with nails. he said i hit it just right. so i have that going for me. i have a feeling i willed that nail. i think about a platy tire too often. i’m hoping this day will take it off my mind for a few weeks. i still often think about who i will call when my tire falls off. AAA or Audi care. i’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. unfortunately, i will probably think about the bridge up until then. we all have our fears. i’ve said it before, mine are flat tires. i don’t think i’ve ever had one. i like to think I’m more of a nail guy. many a nail. i’m basically driving a race car. if my tire falls off on the winding roads of Mulholland Drive i don’t think i need to worry about who I will be calling. I will go right off the cliff. You will read about why I crashed. No matter what you hear, I’m telling you now, it was a tire. thanks for your time. i love my readers. you are few but strong. kf out.

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broken ears

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the picture above these words means a lot to me. i think i made this monster when i was in the sixth grade. how old is that? 12 maybe. seems old. maybe i made it when i was 10. elementary school. i’ve had it since the day I formed the clay, put it into the kiln, and then painted it. I found it in a drawer tonight. I knew it was in the drawer. I also knew that the ears had broken off. What i didn’t know was that I had managed to keep both those tips of the ears in the same drawer. I found one. was excited. then I began to look for the other. I had zero hope of finding the other. I did. then i knew I had some gorilla glue handy. I performed the ear surgery. the monster is now on my shelf and it will be forever. well, at least till it is not. what is forever? it could be stolen. crushed in an earthquake. thrown against a wall by someone who doesn’t know of its value.

the thought that this post will now show it’s value to me could backfire. it is now susceptible to thieves. either way i will be excited that the monster and I had a few more minutes together. i really think it’s watching me. i took a couple of pictures but didn’t like them because the glue was visible. i wiped off some of the excess. the monster seemed to approve of the picture above. i really love this guy. i’m in the process of moving and couldn’t be happier that this guy made the trip to a new shelf. a new chapter begins in my life and I’m happy the monster is with me for the first few pages. like I said, he may not make it to the end.

why a monster? maybe it’s not. I like the colors. I seem to remember the teacher giving me a strange look when she saw my finished project. that teacher must be dead by now. I’m going to try and find out. this monster is taking over. isn’t that how art is supposed to be. it is supposed to activate thoughts in the viewer. i’ve looked at art and wondered what was going through the artists mind during that chapter of his life. i look at this monster and remember a little boy making a monster. i will monitor this guy closely. these new ears will hear all. i look at him as i type, i think he just moved.

I HATE TITLES

so it begins. a few words. i really wish i knew who actually angles their eyes at these posts. the internet is such a cluster fuck. sometimes i think there are millions and then I realize they are all robots. but at the end of the day i’m not against writing a few words for the robots of the world. the thought of the day started early. i was thinking about sexual favors. where did that come from? is it really a favor? since when did a favor cost 500 dollars? do me a favor, don’t charge me for sex. that was how my day started. i then had a thought about blowup dolls and the amount of work that actually goes into blowing one up. the result, even blowup dolls are a lot of work.

the real afternoon thoughts seemed to be about clutter. i direct most of my thoughts toward women because as a heterosexual man I guess women are what is on my mind. i was just thinking about my life and how I can learn everything I need to know about a woman by how much shit she has on the floor of her car. passenger side. also had some thoughts about the kardashian robbery in paris. i’m not saying i spend all my time alone but I’d love for five guys to break into my house. just for the company. that’s it. this was the thoughts of my day. i mixed in some tennis and pilates. also had some sushi for dinner. is this a post? yes. i told you what i’m up to. if you’re an ally this was a wonderful snippet from my brain. i have a few allies. i know who most of you are. that’s a good leader who knows who is following him. i don’t have many, but that’s enough. keep rocking team. fox out.

laczi

training for children

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I haven’t written a blog in months. I don’t even want to look at when the last one was. It doesn’t even matter. I’m sitting outside. A dog rests by my chair. It’s a beagle. Her name is Loczi. She is an old lady who is currently wearing a cone. Not by choice. It’s supposed to keep her from nibbling out her stitches. She had some surgery last week. Her right knee area wasn’t connected anymore. They said it was worth fixing. I was reluctant at first. I tend to think everything is a bit of a scam. The upset of life. This dog is 14. Does she really need this knee 100%? As I sit here now with the beast I would say yes. If this surgery gives her even a another day to walk and maybe even allow some rough house, I’m all for it. Ive learned to love this dog. At first it wasn’t easy. The dog belonged to my girlfriend at the time. I felt the dog snored on purpose to keep me up. I didn’t even want the dog in the same room. I was a bad man. Now I like the dog close.

this dog has taught me to love. I have to carry her to pee and poop. It’s getting manageable. The first week was hell. But I smiled my way through it. She keeps me up at night. She wasn’t a fan of her pain meds. She would spit them out. Hold onto them for an hour hidden in a corner of her mouth. She reminded me of people in insane asylums that weren’t actually crazy and wouldn’t want to swallow the pills that kept them numb. But pill pockets were the savior. We learned to not break the pill in half. that’s what let her smell the pill which wasn’t on her list of things to eat. which now that i think about it, is the only thing this dog won’t eat. next week she gets the stitches out and loses her cone. I can’t wait. But what i did learn during this Laczi run is that I could in fact be a pretty good father. I was patient with this dog. Never raised my voice. Even when she kept me up all night before a golf day. I sucked. I blame Laczi. But truthfully, it was just my swing. In-between thoughts.

Okay. Now I will try and take a picture of the beast at my feet. She is sleeping.

BRAIN ACTIVITY

it is thursday may 19, 2016. simple post to thank everyone that supported rush hour on CBS. the show will not be returning for another season but it sure was a fun ride. CBS says it will air the remaining episodes. I’m not sure that will happen but I do know it is on tonight. So we have that. I attached that tweet to the top of this post because I like it. no other reason. it came to my brain yesterday and I handed it to the world. what you do with it is up to you. that’s it. oh, what am I doing now? I’m working on my path towards enlightenment. I’m trying to be a fully functioning human being. I’m trying to approach everything with a joyful mind and am grateful for all people. even the assholes which help me on this path. if it was all roses and there were no obstacles we couldn’t try out our compassion. keep rocking readers. also, i thought of something funny this morning I will share.

i had a reading accident when i was 8 that I feel is one of the reasons I don’t read as much as I should. i was leaning in too close while reading a pop up book and almost lost an eye on page 12 when a tree attacked. that’s it. just a thought. i will let you know what I do with that knowledge. also, many of you that read this musing are also on the heroes journey. keep it up. kf

BRAIN STRETCH

Just a few words in no particular order. The reason this is exciting to me is because I’m writing this in a word document. And then I will copy it and drop it on my website. Why? I guess at the end of the day it’s simple paranoia of one day losing the website and all the posts. But the truth is, it wouldn’t really matter. They are just thoughts. If really important I should be able to remember them all. Where is my brain today? I will tell you all. I’m going to start organizing another hour of jokes. That’s it. I have been working on my hour special. It has been edited and now we see who wants to put it on their channel. But my brain now says, retire those jokes and make some more. That is where I was then, this is where I am now. I also like the way my fingers feels today. I’ve been using so much of my right thumb on my phone that it feels good to involve a few of the others. They are clicking away. Before I get to carried away I’m going to see if this can be dropped onto the website for a few eyeballs. kf

brain stretch april 29. 2016

a few words for the team. just click a few keys and see where the brain goes. i look at these stretches as little moments of time. where am i currently? los angeles, california. thoughts on last nights episode of rush hour? i enjoyed it. it’s fun to see an episode of TV and try and remember where you were the day you filmed. the beauty of the edit is they can save you. i got to be choked in a jacuzzi and saved by aimee garcia. i was dragged around a police station with a gun to my head. aimee saved me twice in that episode. will we shoot more episodes? that is not my department. but i think in order for a tv show to continue it needs to get enough eyeballs on it to warrant the investment. do we have enough eyeballs? doubtful.

how are the jokes? i will be in san diego may 5-7 with kevin nealon. that will be fun. i look forward to that. we will take the train down. it is an awesome ride from los angeles to san diego. when i drive there i often am passed by that train. next week i will be on it. i’m definitely going to slide some new jokes into my set. i finally got to see a special i shot. it was an hour. if all goes well it will make it to a TV eventually. in my mind i’d like to shoot another one soon with new jokes. so it’s time to get onstage and start connecting the new thoughts. what will this special be about. i would think it needs to be about where I am currently in my life. getting onstage is crucial. you need to hear the jokes out loud with humans listening. alright, this is it. pretty sure this wasn’t enough. but at the end of the day it has to be enough. it’s where i am at this moment in time.

rock on readers. kf out

oh, one last thing. i was supposed to play tennis today but i have a little injury on my right bicep. near the arm pit. i think it came from pilates again. i have to be careful with those damn springs. also, i have a confession. my toenails are currently painted. i had a mani pedi the other day and when they offered to paint my toes i said sure. they are now in my shoes. they are in the closet. but then as i was doing pilates the other day the instructor said she liked the color. now i’m really torn. i know society says a man shouldn’t paint his toenails but what does society really know. we have to do what the toes want. will i do it again? yes. will i try a brighter color? yes. am i becoming a woman? probably. but as long as it starts at the toes I’m okay for awhile. alright, now i have to go. this post was almost done but then it caught fire. it is now worthy of posting. i don’t like to waste people’s time. kf out now

brain stretch April 7, 2016

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I’ve inserted two things into this post. Some words and a photo. The photo was taken on the set of the new TV show called Rush Hour. It’s on CBS. Thursdays. 10pm. That’s in the west. I guess it’s the same time in the east but just three hours sooner than out here. But this isn’t about time. This is simply about stretching my fingers out before I start the day. This is how i open my brain. It’s probably how I should begin everyday. It is not. What is the status on Rush Hour? Good question. It premiered last week. The suits would have liked more viewers. So would the actors that are looking forward to shooting more shows. Tonight will be important. Tomorrow I will wake up and check the numbers. But until then, I will remain optimistic and positive. I will keep my smile as broad as it was in the photo. I think that may have been taken during the pilot. Let’s move on.

The big news. My mustache has fought hard to return and it’s pretty damn close. I shaved it a couple weeks ago and immediately missed it. It was my fault, i’d spent too much time perfecting it and it lost some of its mystique. Be careful when trimming that you don’t go in too far from the natural creases in your face. Let the mustache follow those lines. Okay, what else? I’m working on my comedy, finding the flow. I will definitely get out in the world soon and see if humanity responds enough. Okay, that’s all for today people. I know there’s a few of you that swing in here. I will say it again, I will try and increase my visits as well. keep rocking. I have your back. I know who you are. kf

brain stretch today’s date

once again I realize it has been too long since the fingers danced in this room. but all that really matters is that they are here now. a dog naps nearby. she dreams of the walk I owe her. my back is tight. i wonder if the Aleve is really going to do what it claims in its name. sun pounds my left eye. i think about changing my seat but i like the way the computer feels in my pal. a tuna burger is currently being digested in my stomach. i will tell jokes this evening at the comedy store. when i close up this computer i will decide on the flow. the key for me tonight will be to remember to attempt to be seamless. i think about this more today because thursday a pal made his exit. Garry Handling’s heart decided it was done beating. A heart that worked so hard to give love to others finally couldn’t do it anymore. Garry was the best. As kind as he was funny. Generous. But the one thing I noticed watching Garry was that he was seamless. He was the same guy in the green room planning his set that he was onstage. He didn’t seem to want to do anything extra. the words should be enough. I’d like to think that my words can do the same. I sometimes feel I’m working too hard onstage and tonight I will try not to work at all. I will just be. I heard Garry once say that he didn’t want to do standup anymore, he wanted to be standup. tonight I will be.

what else can fill this wall. I’m not good as selling but I’m in a new TV show that will premiere on Thursday March 31, 2016. CBS. 10pm. I’d like you to watch it. If not, that’s okay as well. Thanks for swimming by this wall and reading a few of these words. If you have gotten this far, you are almost done. Have a good next moment. Take in your surroundings. Find the time. Enjoy. And I always say, try nice first. Now i enjoy this moment and look at a few jokes and see which ones would like to show their faces tonight at the comedy store. fox out.

BRAIN STRETCH 3/16/16

this will be quick. i just programmed my remote into my car and you’d think i had just discovered the cure for cancer. i wasn’t sure how to do it but i googled it and watched a youtube video. i then went to the car and tried it and was successful. was it worth writing about? of course. it is important to write about what excites us. that excited me. our remote code was changed because the other night someone broke into the garage and robbed a bunch of cars. i was not here at the time. changing the code is not going to make a difference. if someone want into a garage they just wait till the gate opens and then at the last minute they slide in.

my second thought of the day is this. never run with scissors unless you are chasing someone that has wronged you, or has an exposed thread. other than that, i think it’s pretty silly. this wa short and sweet, just wanted to say hi to the world. kf out.