DOWN THE FOXHOLE...

brain stretch monday may 29, 2017

i like the title. seems to get the point across. hi. it’s memorial day. i’m having my coffee and reminding myself that i actually have a website. i hadn’t visited it in sometime. when i do stop by i realize that it mostly seems to be a place for spam to visit. my demographic seems to be spam. so let me talk to the robots for a minute. i’ve been shooting a new tv show called the dress up gang. it will be on TBS in the fall. i play a handyman. i’m excited about this show. it’s a half hour comedy. okay. that should be enough for the robots today. also, i have found that the attention spans of the world is diminishing quite rapidly. i know this because I have just lost interest in my words as well. have a good day robots. also, if this is an actual human being, thanks for your time. how are the jokes coming? good question. there are a few in play that are worth seeing. i will eventually post them on a wall you can find. kirk fox out.

brain stretch 2.26.17

have my fingers not touched this wall yet this year? woke up to the news that Bill Paxton is no longer dancing among us. Sad day. He was a friend. Great actor and even better guy. All heart. Hospitals are tricky. Once they open us up shit can go wrong quick. Always know that going in. You might not come out.

All I really want to say is this. Life is precious. Live yours in such a way that if you were told you had five minutes to live, you could smile for four of them. Screaming for one is allowed. But just try and find a place for the scream that allows your last minute to be a smile. That’s it for today. I will once again try and spend more time posting words to this site. This should suffice for today. Go watch some Bill Paxton flicks. I loved Frailty. He directed it. kf

BRAIN STRETCH 12.28

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I added a photo. It’s not often I insert a photo into anything. This was a fun night at the comedy store. We told jokes and then hung out in the green room. I guess it’s the green room. Not much green in it. Owen Smith, Ron White, myself, and Joe Rogan. Three of my favorite people. As the year winds down I just wanted to say “hi.” That’s about it. I hope the holidays were swell. Kirk fox out.

arranging words 12.19.16

hi. my name is kirk fox. i’m going to hook a few words together in no particular order. i saw a big cat this morning. it was in the distance so I’m still not sure if it was a house cat or a cat that likes to eat Beagles. as far as dogs go I bet the beagle is one of the best eating. a beagle is a big part of my life. Her name is Laczi. for those of you who don’t know this animal, she has taught me to love. she is almost fifteen years old. she has survived a couple coyote attacks and most recently knee surgery. i fixed her knee the way some people repair an old football injury. she is running strong again. that’s crazy shit. she used to barely move. i hope when I’m that old I don’t need a knee surgery. back to the cat. i tried to take a video but it didn’t start recording till after I pointed the phone at the cat. so I can’t confirm it’s breed. either way, i have to keep an eye on the beagle at all times. yesterday a huge coyote and today a possible mountain lion. yes, the cat continues to grow. that is life. as the stories are retold they always seem to grow exponentially. that’s a big word. wonder if I spelled that right? close enough. thoughts on spelling. close enough works for me.

okay. is this enough? have i said what needed to be said? i wanted to reach out to my readers. still have no clue how many really read these posts. but i can say this, one is enough, and I’m okay if no-one does but my eyes. this is simply a way for me to warm up my brain for the day. as the fingers click they often will say something that I’ve never heard before. the arrangement of words is what can trigger a new thought. “thoughts on spelling. close enough works for me.” that wasn’t something I planned on thinking today. but because I began to reach out it materialized. the point. don’t be afraid to say somethings that you might not want public. reach out. pour out some thoughts or feelings. scribble some shit on paper. or simply open a document and talk to it with your fingers. that’s it. that’s what I have done and that’s what you should do as well. peace out team. my brain is engaged. now I will hunt that cat. fox out.

life 12.13.16

it is tuesday. what does that mean? it simply means that if you are up you have been given another chance to make the most of your life. try and do something you didn’t do yesterday. know that you can help make the world a better place. if you can’t physically get on the front line of change you can certainly give resources to those that can. it’s that simple. don’t give up on the idea that things could be better. now a joke. or an attempt at one.

spent last week in new york city. that is a tricky ride for me. just too many people crammed into one box. sure have to learn to stay in your lane. the people are all going somewhere. my pacing was off. i felt like a pinball. i’m a canyon boy for sure. there were some highlights of this trip. i met steve martin and watched him play the banjo. this guy can sure pick the strings. i met lorne michaels. i saw his office. i saw the board on the wall with the sketches that have made it to that weeks episode of saturday night live. i ran into jimmy fallon at the tonight show. i had a good week. told some jokes at caroline’s comedy club. i had heard about it for years but had never played it. now i have. there is one thing that is common for all comedy clubs. you have a microphone and a crowd. it’s up to you to make them laugh. i’m glad i got a taste of caroline’s. is it better or worse than other clubs? i would say it is one of the better comedy clubs for sure. i certainly loved their chicken club. i’m a creature of habit. if i find a food that gives me strength then that could be the winner for the week.

oh yes. a joke. i’m not sure where this will fit in my act or if it will simply die on this wall. but i want to fit this thought in. i have a pet lizard. i’ve had it a few years. his name is jack. a good guy as far as lizards go. but whenever he is placed near a female lizard he freezes up. paralyzed. i took him to a pal who works at the zoo. one of the brightest lizard doctors in the world and he put jack through rigorous testing. he finally came to me and said, “jack has ereptile dysfunction.”

my friend is funny. is this going to make it to the stage? i will keep you all posted. have a wonderful day people. or night. fox out.

turkey day looms. I’m Kirk Fox.

just a few thanksgiving tips. only sociopaths would eat a turkey sandwich today. avoid anyone you see eating one or thinking about ordering one. that might be enough for today. i hope everyone is doing well. i haven’t heard my fingers tap tap these keys in awhile. i’ve been working on my golf game. i have to remember to just put the club face on the ball. as long a I remember to simply hit forehands it should be fine.

kanye west is in a mental hospital. maybe he is really just tired. but either way i hope it gets back on track. i know it’s serious because Kim had to cancel a red carpet event. that’s some serious shit. my real thoughts on Kanye. if people pay money to see someone sing, that person better sing. they don’t go to a show to hear you talk. you’re a singer. not a talker. that’s all i got on this.

also, i got a haircut last week and i’m happy about it. i get a haircut once a year. unless i’m working ad they cut it for me. it’s fun to have short hair. what else can i tell the readers who swing by these posts. i still will never know if it’s just robots or people coming by. hopefully both.

i did comedy last night at the viper room in hollywood. i had no idea what to expect and was pleasantly surprised. it’s fun when you have an idea of something and then discover you were completely mistaken. most of the things we worry about in life never come into play. that’s why we must really live in the moment. let’s see what happens. people listened. they laughed. i was present and accounted for and didn’t seem to ever have to raise my voice. those that read my words know that my mission, work on being the same guy onstage as off. working on seamlessness. the microphone will do the projecting for me. alright, this has been kirk fox checking into the world. keep on keeping on. also, love something. and finally, if you get a chance, put someone’s needs before yours. you might surprise yourself. just like i was at the viper room last night.

also, i’m going back to detroit next week to tell a few jokes. my last trip there was with charlie sheen. i’m pretty sure this will be different. but once again. maybe i’m mistaken. it could be exactly the same. either way, i will go in smiling. kf

gobble gobble

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LIFE IN PROGRESS 11.6.16

this is what’s on my mind. i sit at my desk. a candle dances next to me. i bought two pieces of furniture that now protect my desk. i guess i will take a photo. i have to tell some jokes tonight at the comedy store in hollywood california. i have to be onstage at 9:30. I will leave my home at 9:10. that’s how close it is. i think if i really hurry I can be parked at the comedy store in about 8 minutes from the time i pull out of the driveway. what will i talk about tonight? i want to get the room on the boat a little quicker than I have been lately. i’m noticing that the people don’t really have the attention span for too long without a joke. i like to think that I’m enough. I will get to the jokes. i like to go as long as I can without one.

tonight i want to talk about a girl who yelled at me because I wouldn’t read her paragraph tattoo on her back. it filled her whole back. looked like helvetica font. single space. i think the last line said cont. on thigh. what i did find interesting was that she was in a black bikini and two lines in the paragraph looked like they had been blacked out by the FBI. confidential. she was in front of me in line at coffee bean. she turned around and asked if i’d like to read her back. i told her “no thanks. I’m still working on the menu.”

“read it,’ she said.
“I’m cool. I’ll wait for the movie. I actually have a book at home I need to finish before I start another.

she got upset. It’s obvious to me now that the more words in a tattoo the crazier the person. tattoos are links you’re better off not clicking on. I wish people were like etch a sketches so we could just shake off their shitty tattoos and start all over. if i have to stop moving to read your tattoo then it’s too long. then she told me Megan Fox has a paragraph tattoo on her back. I bet you’d read that. Hell yes i would. I’d keep it on the nightstand next to my bed and read it every night before bed.

that is how I will open my set tonight. then maybe explain that I don’t read as much as I should. i had a terrible reading accident when I was eight. i was reading a popup book on the tallest building on the world and was leaning in too close when i turned to the empire state building. almost lost my eye. that’s one of the reasons i avoid New York and paragraph tattoos. that’s it. this is what’s on my mind world. just a man letting his fingers run free and remind the brain what I should talk about tonight. I’ll let you all know how it goes. I will take a picture now of my new furniture.

my greatest fear no more

i often tell people I’m afraid of nothing. but in fact there is always one thing that rarely sleeps in the back of my mind. a flat tire. more so lately because the car I now drive has racing tires which are a bit more susceptible to attack from nails and glass. i used to drive a honda civic and I actually never had to change a tire on the car. which makes me even more suspicious of this fear. i remember seeing a nail in the tire of the honda once while filming The Test at paramount. I drove directly to my friend at the Honda dealership for the plugging of the hole. they pull out whatever has breached the rubber, i think this was a screw, and shove in some rubber and you’re on your way.

back to the story at hand. driving to golf the other day, a long drive, the golf course was 45 minutes away. i was running late and had to speed. when i got off the freeway i hear a new sound. a thump thump with every turn of the wheel. the faster the turn, the quicker the thump thump thump. i got out and checked the tires. they were fine. i looked under the car to see if i was dragging anything. nope. slowly drove to the golf course because I was late. still concerned with the car. do i call audi care, do i call AAA. the mind was racing. got to golf and explained the situation. the golfers weren’t that concerned. i decided to to tee off with them but deal with it after 9 holes. because my mind was on the tire i oddly played some of the best golf in my life. i was one over on the front nine. at the turn we looked at the car and one of the golfers, noticed that the front left tires on the inside was coming undone. what looked like a string was in fact part of the tire. that’s the part that would thump on every turn.

relieved, we played the back nine because they all said they would help me change the tire. I shot two over on the back. a great day of golf. after they helped me change the tire. i watched it all, i now think I can do it again if I had to. the only real drama was the covers that go over the lug nuts. we didn’t know it was a cover at first and the lug wrench didn’t fit. called a friend at audi and he explained to pop the covers off and then do the lugs. i put on a little tire that says don’t go past 50 mph. i drove to the audi dealer which was on the way home and ordered some tires. next day I went and put them on and now my life is much smoother. my fear of a flat tire is a thing of the past. i can now start my life.

as always, thanks to the readers who like to stop by and check my flow. all is well in the world. it’s a raining morning in los angeles. as i wrote that last sentence the sun peeked through the gray clouds. i guess the sun wants to come out and play. or at least look and see if anyone is up. oh shit. did i get rain tires?!

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LAUGHTER

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i was told they’d been trying to get a picture of me smiling onstage for years. I appear to be actually laughing. not sure what it says about a comedian who rarely cracks a smile onstage. i think I smile internally. i’m not sure why I was smiling but it looks legitimate. i don’t think I smile enough in life. my mouth doesn’t really go into that curve that is needed to give the viewer the appearance that I’m laughing. but I will assure you, my eyes are smiling.

i’m not afraid to cry either. i seem to feel things when I watch the voice on TV. i like when someone sings a song and then gets a chair to turn. their whole life has come down to that moment. I also tend to tear up when i watch ice skating or when a girl gets cut from the dallas cowboy cheerleaders. that’s about it.

here’s the real big news for my readers today. i now can write some words and it will automatically come up on my homepage of this website. that means that i might start writing more. maybe a daily post is just what my brain needs. this can maybe start to feel like a newspaper. okay. let me check and see if it goes to the front. kirk fox out.

Also, thought of the day for my team. WHO WE ARE WHEN WE ARE ALONE, IS WHO WE NEED TO BE WHEN THE WORLD IS WATCHING. THEN YOU CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.

this came to me when thinking about standup comedy. my mission, and it might never be fulfilled completely, is to be the same guy onstage as I am off. seamless. just get up there and tell some jokes. talk about some things that are funny to me. don’t push to hard. don’t resort to tricks. just connect some words in a way that might evoke laughter. hey, the title of this post is laughter. maybe it was a sneaky full circle. sneaky implies trickery. maybe my brain is the trick and I’m along for the ride. more next time. fox out.

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NAILED IT

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you have to run over a nail just right to have it penetrate the rubber. i didn’t know I had run over a nail. driving to tennis today I saw a warning light I’d never seen in my dash and some wording. The words were gone before I had the time to read them. i arrived at tennis, took a picture of the warning, it was an exclamation point. to me that was important. i sent the picture to my guy. i call him my guy because he sold me the car and if I ever have a car question he can answer. he’s also a friend. i played tennis. my mind was on my car. i won’t lie. i have a tendency to obsess. it’s the little things that i will grasp. after tennis he simply told me that i had a tire that needed air. that seemed right. when i turned on the car the words came up and sure enough, said to check my left rear. I checked. i couldn’t tell if it was low. they are racing tires that don’t have much air in them as is. after tennis on the way to my favorite gas station i stopped for a sandwich and spend thirty minutes trying to find out the real tire pressure i needed to get to. on the side of the tire it said max of 50 PSI. that seemed high. My guy told me 32. that seemed low. I went to my favorite gas station and they said 38. sure enough. left rear was low. then he told me to move up so he could check for a nail. yes, there was a nail. i was relieved. they pulled out the nail. my buddy who works there said he fixes 15 tires a day. said the streets are filled with nails. he said i hit it just right. so i have that going for me. i have a feeling i willed that nail. i think about a platy tire too often. i’m hoping this day will take it off my mind for a few weeks. i still often think about who i will call when my tire falls off. AAA or Audi care. i’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. unfortunately, i will probably think about the bridge up until then. we all have our fears. i’ve said it before, mine are flat tires. i don’t think i’ve ever had one. i like to think I’m more of a nail guy. many a nail. i’m basically driving a race car. if my tire falls off on the winding roads of Mulholland Drive i don’t think i need to worry about who I will be calling. I will go right off the cliff. You will read about why I crashed. No matter what you hear, I’m telling you now, it was a tire. thanks for your time. i love my readers. you are few but strong. kf out.