this is what’s on my mind. i sit at my desk. a candle dances next to me. i bought two pieces of furniture that now protect my desk. i guess i will take a photo. i have to tell some jokes tonight at the comedy store in hollywood california. i have to be onstage at 9:30. I will leave my home at 9:10. that’s how close it is. i think if i really hurry I can be parked at the comedy store in about 8 minutes from the time i pull out of the driveway. what will i talk about tonight? i want to get the room on the boat a little quicker than I have been lately. i’m noticing that the people don’t really have the attention span for too long without a joke. i like to think that I’m enough. I will get to the jokes. i like to go as long as I can without one.
tonight i want to talk about a girl who yelled at me because I wouldn’t read her paragraph tattoo on her back. it filled her whole back. looked like helvetica font. single space. i think the last line said cont. on thigh. what i did find interesting was that she was in a black bikini and two lines in the paragraph looked like they had been blacked out by the FBI. confidential. she was in front of me in line at coffee bean. she turned around and asked if i’d like to read her back. i told her “no thanks. I’m still working on the menu.”
“read it,’ she said.
“I’m cool. I’ll wait for the movie. I actually have a book at home I need to finish before I start another.
she got upset. It’s obvious to me now that the more words in a tattoo the crazier the person. tattoos are links you’re better off not clicking on. I wish people were like etch a sketches so we could just shake off their shitty tattoos and start all over. if i have to stop moving to read your tattoo then it’s too long. then she told me Megan Fox has a paragraph tattoo on her back. I bet you’d read that. Hell yes i would. I’d keep it on the nightstand next to my bed and read it every night before bed.
that is how I will open my set tonight. then maybe explain that I don’t read as much as I should. i had a terrible reading accident when I was eight. i was reading a popup book on the tallest building on the world and was leaning in too close when i turned to the empire state building. almost lost my eye. that’s one of the reasons i avoid New York and paragraph tattoos. that’s it. this is what’s on my mind world. just a man letting his fingers run free and remind the brain what I should talk about tonight. I’ll let you all know how it goes. I will take a picture now of my new furniture.